It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize