don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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