When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
