i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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