wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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