I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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