I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
