i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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