Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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