Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
