That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
