I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
