Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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