I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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