Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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