He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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