she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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