im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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