Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
