Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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