Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
did i just pee glitter
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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