I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
