I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
