Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize