it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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