ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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