Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize