I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
