I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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