ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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