Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
