My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
