Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
