I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
