Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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