You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize