I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
