Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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