I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i was born a porn star she said
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize