Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
