How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Where is the hickey?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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