rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
