you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize