The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
