Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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