think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
