She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
