Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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