id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
