What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
