i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
