Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
