I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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