"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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