Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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