I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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