the day after is always just damage control
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
