it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
