Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
