im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
