Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my liver is dry heaving
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
