My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
