i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
