that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
