He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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