1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
