Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
no. you can't hotbox the world.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
