i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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