he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
