The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've blown a few things in my day
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
