I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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