you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
not ubering you a puppy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
