You're a womanizer and a bitch.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
