eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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