walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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