I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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