Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
