I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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