Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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