I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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