we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
