don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
