Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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