You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
