in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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