9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize