I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
