my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
