just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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