Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You ate ashes out of my bong
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
