I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
