i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
