If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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