Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
