The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
