I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
