I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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