Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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