from now on my penis is your penis
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize