My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
