that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
