i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
