3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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