Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
