I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
