this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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