I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
