dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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