Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
