I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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