is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
